Sometimes...

Sometimes I go visit other churches. I always ask to see their youth room. That way I can secretly judge how cool or lame they are based on what their youth room looks like.

Sometimes I go visit other churches. I like to see how stocked their food pantry is. That way I can secretly judge whether they love the community as much as my church does.

Sometimes I go visit other churches. I like to see if they have a large grassy area for students to play on. That way I can secretly spray grass killer on the lawn because I'm jealous that our church doesn't have a grassy area.

Sometimes I go visit other churches. I like to hear their musicians play. That way I can compare their worship band to my church's worship band.

Sometimes I go visit other churches. I like to look at the people sitting in their pews. That way I can secretly judge them for not being like me and going to church for all the right reasons.

Winter Advisory

Winter Camp is quickly approaching, and I am stoked! Sure the food is sub-par and I only get like a total of 6 hours of sleep, but I still love me some Winter Camp. It was in fact attending a Winter Camp with students many years ago that compelled me to go into ministry. So this is an exciting time. There will be many laughs, probably some cries, and some very putrid, stinky cabins (at least on the boys side of camp).  And as the weekend is approaching, I ask that you be praying.


Students: Be praying that the Lord will give you ears to hear what he is saying. Pray that distractions and barriers would be removed that would limit your experience of God's love for you.

Leaders: Pray for the students and that you will continue to grow in love for them. Pray that your capacity to be a mentor and leader would grow.

Adults: Pray for safety and pray that we would come back as a closer, tighter knit group!

Many thanks to those who have supported us through the various fundraising events and many thanks to those great parents who are shuttling us to and from camp! Much love to you all!

Perspective

Last summer, I took my students camping. We leisurely hiked portions of the American River and the Rubicon River. We played in the water, jumped off of rocks, and enjoyed the warm sun. It was a time of rest and relaxation as we could freely enjoy the outdoors without the burden of society upon our shoulders. It truly was heaven. My students called it fat camp. Perspective sure is a funny thing...

We all see and interact with this world differently. As  pondered over the last few days, I was convicted. My perspective is certainly different from the Lord's (how shocking!). Here is my prayer:

"O Lord, give me a glimpse of your divine perspective. 

Expand my capacity to see and understand the world as you do. 

May I never grow disillusioned with the people you have called me to love. 

And may I find joy in learning to serve you.

O Lord, be patient.

Equip me with courage.

Teach me in love.

And show me your perspective." 

The Unwanted Prayer

Students like it when I pray for them to do well on a school exam. They don't like it as much when I pray this:

"Lord, regardless of how so and so does on their exam, remind them that their identity is in you and not in their grades."

Sports Talk

I am not the best person at keeping a conversation going. Often, I don't know what to do with my freakishly long arms (true story, I often have to buy suits from the "irregular" rack because my arms are long for my height.). I can be prone to those awkward pauses and goofy smiles as I try to say something meaningful. My ability to hold a conversation is dramatically improved if the subject matter is regarding sports. Like many other men I know, I am very comfortable conversing about sports. One of the best parts about a conversation/argument on sports is defending players I love and chastising those I hate. Nevertheless, someone can drop a bomb that makes the entire conversation awkward.

Let me explain. Let's say I present my case on why I don't like Player X. Rather than refute my points, my opponents response is "Well, you know, Player X is a devout Christian."

What about I supposed to say to that? If I continue to chastise Player X than I will be guilty of hating a brother/sister in Christ. If I am no longer critical of Player X, then that shows that my convictions are weak. I don't want to be accused of being a flip flopper, but I don't want to hate on the Kingdom of God either.

So, before you drop the "Player X is a devout Christian" bomb, please consider the anxiety you will cause me. This might be one of those situations where ignorance is bliss.

Suit And Sour

This past Saturday, Frontline hosted the Second Annual Winter Banquet. If you are unfamiliar with this event, the youth at SVCC host a fancy dinner for the adults at the church. To add to the aura of it all, the youth dress up in fancy clothes and serve and interact with the adults. Not to be outdone by my beloved youth, I too wore a suit. Many in the church were shocked an surprised. One individual asked me why I don't dress in a suit when I preach. While unable to respond at the time, I now present my top 10 reasons why I do not wear a suit to church when I preach.

A Bohm in a suit is a rare thing indeed.

10. The Youth Pastor code strictly prohibits me from wearing a suit unless I am officiating a funeral/wedding, going to an interview, or playing paintball.

9. Fancy clothes actually would hinder my ability to recall my manuscript. For example, in college I learned that if a student was under the influence of drugs when he/she was studying for an exam, he/she should  take the exam under the influence of those same drugs. I cannot remember the name of that effect, but that effect also applies to preaching. If I do my study in casual clothes, I should also preach in casual clothes. To do anything else would be detrimental to my sermon and to the body of Christ.

8. Putting on a suit takes more time and energy than normal clothes. Ain't nobody got time for that.

7. Since I look so dashing in a suit, the listener would be unable to focus on the words coming out of my mouth.

6. I'm rebelling against my Baptist and Lutheran upbringing.

5. I don't know how to iron clothes.

4. I'd get divorced if I asked my wife to iron my clothes every Saturday night.

3. It's harder to swing Elliot Even around when restricted by a suit.

2. To wear a suit would be an insult to John the Baptist and all that he stood for.

1. I'm a slob. There I said it, are you happy?

Late Sanctification

Some people are always late. I am not one of those people. Those people drive me nuts. Nonetheless, in a grand gesture of heroism, I will offer a tip to all my friends with a delayed disposition. For remember, people grow weary of your excuses. At some point, your friends and family will no longer buy your excuses that attempt to explain your consistent lack of punctuality. Some suggest the solution is to be punctual. I disagree though. You just need a better excuse. Fortunately, I am here to help and I present to you two valid excuses that will have even the most critical of folks forgive your laggard like ways.

The 10:25
As in Luke 10:25-37. That's the parable on the Good Samaritan for those that didn't know. Just like that noble Samaritan, you must help someone in aid. And in doing so, no one will condemn you for being late. No, you will recognized as a hero and as a modern day Good Samaritan. "How noble" is what they will say when they find out you took a old, poor, wounded war widow to the hospital.

Now, I don't condone lying, so you must actually help someone in distress to legally use this excuse, and if you are the one that causes the distress, I am okay with that. If you need to beat up a war widow so that you have a target for your humanitarian efforts, by all means, beat up the war widow. Just never lie about it because lying is a sin.

The Billy Graham
This is the granddaddy of excuses. The ultimate way to get out of being late is to share the Gospel with someone. It doesn't matter how late you are if this is your excuse. Imagine you are late to an important dinner party. Do you really think anyone will give you a hard time for being late because you were spreading the Gospel message? For if anyone even looks disgruntled at you, you simply respond, "Isn't the salvation of a human being more important than our dinner party? So, if you are running late, stop at the gas station and start talking about Jesus. Not only might might the Kingdom of God gain a member, but you now have the ultimate justification for your dawdling.




**Warning** These excuses might not work on Non-Christians. Use at your own discretion

What Matters Most

Like many of my peers, receiving an education was something that was vitally important. This notion was passed down from my parents and reinforced by the Claremont sub-culture. As a result, it was inconceivable to do anything other than attend college after high school. I received my B.A. in 2006 and then, after a short break, I returned to school for my M.Div. I received my degree in 2010. While I was filled with pride over the accomplishment, I was not so naive to think that others shared in my pride. Nevertheless, I had put in the time to learn and study, and I saw myself as someone who was qualified to serve in ministry.

And perhaps, when you work with adults, experience and education are important qualities to determine if someone is qualified for a job. I work with students though. Students are not impressed with how many degrees you hold or what your GPA was. My students were consumed with matters of a more spiritual nature, such as the fact that I own a Xbox 360 and a Nintendo Wii. They were also impressed with the quality of my beard and my overwhelming baldness, but that's a conversation for another time.

So a word of a wisdom to all those considering ministry with students. Education is essential, and I am convinced that solid training and education is a critical part to serving in ministry, but at the end of the day, no one is impressed with where you went to school or what degree you got. But if you got a video game console (with 4 controller so they can play too), you can go anywhere in youth ministry!

A Modest Apology

As a youth pastor, I primarily spend time with the youth of our church (how shocking!). But on occasion, I venture into dangerous territory and I speak with adults. I like chatting with the adults, but sometimes I wonder if they like speaking with me. Here is an example of a conversation:

Adult: How was your week?

Me: It was great, but just super tiring.

Adult: Oh, is that so? What all came up?

Me: Well I took a few students out to lunch on Tuesday, then on Wednesday we had youth group and then the all-nighter, so I was up all night playing games and hanging out with students. Then on Friday we got together again and played more video games and board games and ate pizza. How was your week?

Adult: (At this point, they begin to wander off, mumbling under their breath. This is all that I can make out) "Lousy mermafu wake up 4:45 a.m., ferggan reduclou garou bills grarun aret traffic un del wih spid boss un leam staft meetings...."

Me:  Have a nice day!



So, I apologize to all the "real adults" out there in the world. I apologize for talking to you as if I were your equal. Now, excuse me, I have to go play mini-golf with a few students.

Youth Group Urban Legends

I don't know of any student who was part of a youth group that doesn't know how to play Chubby Bunny. It is a hilarious game that involves stuffing marshmallows into your mouth, one at a time. while trying to say the phrase "Chubby Bunny" after each marshmallow is inserted into said mouth.

While popular, I have not seen the game played in years. This is because of a infamous rumor that spread around youth groups that stated a girl died while playing chubby bunny. I never knew if it was true or not, but a visit to Snopes confirmed the rumor to be true. You can read the article here: Snopes Article on Chubby Bunny Urban Legend.

So with the news now confirmed, I can confidently say my students will never ever play Chubby Bunny under my watch. Rather, we will stick to safer games like Anarchy Ball, Savage Women, and other such games where students are required to tackle and maim each other.

The Legends of Dodgeball

Students love dodgeball. It is a game that appeals to a wide variety of students in youth groups across America. And every group that gathers to play dodgeball has their characters. Here a few I've noticed.

1. The Sneaker - Oh No! A ball grazed off your shoulder. A quick glance to the judges confirms that the judges missed it. Then play on! Yet, little do they know I see all, and they missed their opportunity to come clean. I love nothing more than to publicly humiliate the sneaker for their cheating ways.

 2. The Debater - When this person is called out by the judges, be warned, for you will now receive a five minute presentation on how the ball physically could not of hit them. Never mind the fact that everyone in the room all saw the same thing happen.

3. The Kamikaze - Conservative play is for the weak. This person plays on the front lines and they have one goal. Take out as many people before their inevitable removal from the game.

4. The Coward - This person is usually a male who hides behind the females for protection. For shame...

5. The King - This is the youth pastor, who hides behind students and gives them the honor of being sacrificial pawns. He is to be praised for sending honorable boys and girls to their demise for a just and righteous cause.

6. The Rifle - This is the student who plays baseball. All respect his/her rocket arm. Be warned if you mess with The Rifle.

7. The Cursed - A voodoo witch doctor certainly placed a curse on this young individual, for never in the history of dodgeball has someone taken so many shots below the belt. Despite our uncontrollable laughter, we truly are sympathetic.

8. The Wriggler - Heaven forbid this student is hit by the ball and removes himself/herself from the game in an appropriate manner. Rather, the ball strikes him/her and so begins a 2 minute convulsion and death sequence. Nothing can stop this individual from this artistic interpretation of their dodgeball death, except for a few more balls thrown his/her way...especially when thrown by The Rifle.

9. The Liability - This person is a bit of an enigma, but somehow and in someway, they do more damage to their team then good. Whether it is deflecting a ball into a teammate or simply bumbling around, this person is dangerous to stand next to. In some absurd way, your removal from the game will not be at the hands of the enemy, but rather at the clumsiness of your ally.

10. That One Girl - She intends to throw the ball forwards, yet by some mystery it goes backwards. Yes this really happened, and we may never see such a tactical display ever again. Those that witnessed it might never see anything like it ever again.

Got any others to add? Show me in the comments section!

Holiday Mulligan

I love the holidays for many reasons and I imagine I'm not alone in my love for the holidays. Some people love the time off of work/school. For others its the buying and giving of gifts. And others are all about the Christmas parties. Everyone has their favorite thing/things about the holidays. But my favorite thing about the holidays is what I call the "Holiday Mulligan." You see, I intend to be a person of integrity. I try to let my "yes" be "yes" and my "no" be "no." If you are counting me, I do everything in my power to be reliable. Call me crazy, but this is the code that I live by. And sometimes, I'll let someone down. Sometimes I will be at fault and I will need to apologize for not coming through.

I noticed something interesting during this busy Christmas season though. I had made several pledges to people during the course of the holidays. In typical fashion, I overbooked myself and committed to too many things. As I result, I ended up letting people down. But to my surprise, folks are more forgiving than usual, and it occurred to me, rather than take responsibility, just blame the holidays. By some mystery, people are 88% more forgiving if you made a mistake due to the busyness of the holidays.


Forgot to respond to an important phone call? Ran over the neighbors dog? Left your kid at the restaurant when he/she went to the bathroom? No worries, just blame the holidays. People will understand. This, my friends, is the beauty of the holiday season! Not only are are their food, friends, and festivities, but we also have the the ultimate get out of jail card, the Holiday Mulligan! Just blame the holidays and watch your worries go away.

On an unrelated note, some of you were wondering why I haven't been updating the blog the last week and a half. With the holidays and whatnot, I'm sure you will understand why I couldn't keep writing.

Good to be back my friends! I'm one week late (holidays kept me busy you know), but Happy New Year!

Christmas Show and Tell

After Christmas, many of us enjoy our Christmas gifts like normal people. We might sport our brand new sweater or we excitedly download apps for our new cell phone. Sure, we are excited about our gifts, but like most normal people, we enjoy them appropriately. But then, there are those rare individuals whose goal is to brag about their Christmas gifts. They shamelessly show off their wares.Perhaps you might have seen one of these people.

The Hinter: This person will never tell you about their Christmas loot, but don't be fooled. They are consumed with publicly showing off their gift in the hopes that you will ask "Oh, did you get that for Christmas?" This is the cue they have been waiting for, as they will now take 35 minutes of your life describing to you in detail how their new cell phone is the best phone on the market.

The One-Upper: This person will ask you what you received for Christmas. Regardless of what you say, they will undoubtedly compare gifts, highlighting how your gifts are not quite as good as what they received. They will say things like, "Oh, you got that computer? Big mistake. I got an Intel I7 Quad Core desktop with the top of line Nvidia graphics card, 32 gigs of Ram, and 4TB of storage. It's way better than what you got!" 

The Blessed: This person comes up to you, tapping into their capacity for false humility and says "Can you believe how blessed I am? Let me show you a picture of this new sports car my parents purchased for me. I am so blessed! I truly am the luckiest person in the world. So what did you get?" At which point, you find no joy in sharing about the 6 pairs of socks and the beanie you got.

The Flaunter: This is the person who receives clothing for Christmas, and lots of it. How do you know? Because he/she is wearing every single item simultaneously. And don't you dare ask if they got that new sweater for Christmas, because the Flaunter will now go through all the clothing he/she received, item by item. Everything from sweater, to socks, to underwear, the Flaunter will highlight how amazing this new wardrobe is.

Beware, for these people do exist. Come by tomorrow to find out how to defend yourself from such shameless propagators of Christmas goods.

PYDS

Not many of you know this, but I suffer from a mental illness known as PYDS (Post Yuletide Depression Syndrome). While common among adults, it is especially common in young children. I don't think it is in the DSM-IV yet, but it will only be a matter of time before clinicians worldwide embrace it's prevalence.

And every year around this time it kicks in. The knowledge that there will be no more gifts, eggnog, or Christmas carols for 11 months is too much for my psyche to bear. As a result, I slump into a depression. I mope around the house. I spend some time with the Christmas tree, but it brings me no satisfaction. I look at the socks and sweaters that I got for Christmas, but those do not bring joy either. It is a tough time. New Years Eve parties can occasionally temper the depression, but often they are a temporary fix. The depression finally begins to subside in early May, when the longer days and warmer weather distract from the loss of Christmas. Attention is turned to the summer and the hopes of experiencing the "best summer ever."

So my friends, be patient with me. Forgive me of any grumpiness and please overlook my lack of interest in you. It is not that I don't care, it is just that I suffer from this terrible disease. I understand that you want to help. While prayers are appreciated, a constant stream of wrapped gifts and Christmas themed treats just might break me out of this depression. Thanks for all of your love and support. I know with your help, we can beat Post Yuletide Depression Syndrome.

Seasonal Sapience

Christmas truly is a wonderful and joyous day. And on this day that we celebrate the Lord's birth, we can so easily be tempted to focus on the material things. We are mesmerized by grand and fancy gifts. We are bewitched by delectable entrees and elaborate sweets. And before we know it, Christmas is about the gifts we receive and the food we eat.

So hear my encouragement today and take a step back from all the material things. Cherish your friends and your family. Hug them and thank them for their role in your life. Do not take them for granted! For without them, who will buy you all those wicked awesome gifts and cook you all those tasty goodies?

Merry Christmas everyone!

Generic Holiday Greeting!

Today's world seems increasingly less tolerant of the word "Christmas." Now, I understand that not everyone in this fine country celebrates Christmas. While I grew up having a Merry Christmas and a Happy Hannukah, others had Krazy Kwanzas or a Raging Ramadan. And some folks, God bless them, choose not to celebrate anything. I understand this and I am ok with it. Yet, I do not fully understand some of the hostility towards saying "Merry Christmas" or displaying a nativity scene (even if the traditional nativity scene is not biblically correct, but more on this another time.).

While I try to be courteous and respectful to my non-Christmas celebrating peers, I really want to be able to say "Merry Christmas" without fear of oppression. But in this age of political correctness, how can I wish someone someone a "Merry Christmas" without actually saying it?

Thankfully, I have the solution. Now initially I wasn't sold on this idea, but due to the inspiration of some amazing students at my church, I have the means to say "Merry Christmas" without actually saying it. How you might ask? By wearing it! What better way to say "Merry Christmas" than wearing a traditional Christmas sweater. Let your torso will shout forth the yuletide greeting of "Merry Christmas!" No more shall we fear accusations of political incorrectness. No more shall we hide behind a veil. Our voice will reign supreme without ever having to speak a single word.

Plus, if people thought saying "Merry Christmas" was offensive, just wait til millions of Christians nationwide start sporting those hideous Christmas sweaters.



Have a great holiday season (I'd wish you a Merry Christmas, but I haven't purchased my Christmas sweater yet).

Questions That Keep Me Up At Night

Does anyone find it odd that the Mayans predicted the end of the world, yet they failed to account for their own extinction?

Have a great, worry free night my friends!

You Meet All Kinds

I enjoy a church rummage sale. I especially enjoy it when it supports my youth group. Not only does the money earned support my students, but as the cashier, I get the privilege of coming into contact with all sorts of interesting people. Now, most folks that attend a rummage sale are your average citizens who are just looking for a good deal. But, every now and then you meet some interesting people. Here are some true stories from the 2012 SVCC Rummage Sale.


The Swindler: This was the lady that brought up $25 worth of merchandise to the cashier. She opened her wallet only revealing $10. After some sob story about how "I always do this, I never bring enough money," she gave me the "well maybe you can just give it to me for $10" look. Little did she know that I was a cold and heartless monster. I responded with the authoritative but loving, "we can hold on to your merchandise for you while you run home and get the rest of your cash." To which she responded by pulling out the remaining $15 from her pocket, paying for her goods and walking out. Nice try my friend....nice try.

The Rock Star: This gentlemen entered our hallowed halls and as he perused our quality merchandise, he saw the shiny and glorious drum set on the stage. After repeated attempts (and denials) to gain my permission to play the drums, he then asked if he could join the worship band. He told me he was legit as he showed me his treble clef tattoo on his neck. My immediate thought was to hire him on as the new worship pastor, but (bald) wisdom prevailed and I encouraged him to start attending service for a few months and then we would get him plugged in. We never saw him again. I just heard that Chris Tomlin brought him on to join his band. I guess we missed out.

The Depraved: What sick and twisted woman would bring 15 used bras to the register and make me sort them and price them for her? And then, choose not to purchase them! It was a troubling time and I recalled Acts 9:16, when Jesus spoke these words in regards to Saul "I will certainly show him how much he must suffer for My name!" (HCSB).

While there were a few other interesting blokes that I came into contact with, these were my favorites. Hope you enjoyed hearing about them as much as I enjoyed meeting them!

Revenge Loophooles

A few months ago I preached on the topic of revenge. In my study, it was pretty clear that revenge is something that is reserved for God. It looks like I discovered a loophole though. Now don't get me wrong. I certainly agree that revenge is something that belongs to God, and God alone. BUT, if we disguise our revenge so that it looks like it is coming from God, then I think it is ok.

For example, God used venomous snakes in the Old Testament to punish the Israelite people for their disobedience. Therefore, if we can get revenge in a such a manner that imitates that scenario, then I am certain we have God's approval in getting revenge. We just have to make it look like it is God who is enacting the revenge.

With this in mind, I want to introduce the Rattlesnake-a-pult. Similar to a catapult, it is designed to launch rattlesnakes (which I'm sure your local pet shot carries) at malevolent individuals that cause you great harm. The uses are undeniable. Set up a Rattlesnake-a-pult in your backyard and if those rowdy teenage boys across the street throw another raucous party, then you will be well prepared to take matters into your own hands. Set the coordinates, and a dozen or so rattlers, launched into the heavens will certainly put an end of the party. And better yet, those vociferous kids will certainly not assume you or any man caused this calamity. For who can drop rattlesnakes from the heavens other than God himself? These kids will then know that they have sinned before an angry God and they will be so ashamed of their sin that they will never throw a loud party again. Moreover, they will repent and become devout followers of our Lord. You see, the Rattlesnake-a-pult is not only a tool for protecting yourself, it is also a utility in the spread of the Gospel.

So, the next time you catch me mumbling about throwing rattlesnakes at people I don't like, just know that I care about their salvation more than you do.

We Are All Saddened

In light of the horrific news about the school shooting in Connecticut, I will not be posting as planned. Life is certainly full of grief. While laughter often provides a sense of normalcy and comfort in a chaotic world, today is a day for mourning. Not just for the families and witnesses, but for our nation. It is a deplorable tragedy, one that will not be soon forgotten.

I will resume writing on Tuesday.