You Know You Are a Monster When...

...A student says something rude or insensitive and then you realize they picked it up from you.


Lord have mercy...

Things That Make Youth Pastors Neurotic

Youth Pastors are not known for being neurotic, but nevertheless, here are some things that make even the best of youth pastors just a little bit neurotic.

1. When parents want to meet with you....in person.
Everything you have ever done wrong is now flashing before your eyes....

2. Organizing drivers/rides for events. 
Having more students than seats for a trip 6 hours before you depart is never a good feeling.

3. Finding guest speakers while away on vacation.
Always try to avoid bringing in that one speaker who in 15 minutes will contradict the last six months of preaching and teaching.

4. When elders "surprise" visit you.
Once again, everything you have ever done wrong is now flashing before your eyes....

5. Other youth pastors at winter camp who make their students go to bed right at lights out.
Pretty sure the Bible gives me permission to go punch any youth pastor that does this.

6. When students ask "What verse number?" 214 times in the span of six seconds.
"I'll tell you when  I'm ready to tell you!!!!!"

7. When students beat you at anything.
The combination of competitiveness and delight at seeing your student smile victoriously is confusing to me. I'm ecstatic and furious all at the same time.

8. Having to wear long pants and/or shoes (maybe this is just a Bald Wisdom thing?)
The Apostle Paul says to imitate him as he imitated Jesus. They both wore sandals. I'm just doing what Scripture is calling me to do.

9. Answering the same question....over and over and over again.
The bane of youth pastors all over the world!

10. Being away for too long from the students that we pour our lives into. 
It pain's me to say it, but they kinda grow on you.

Things That Make Your Senior Pastor Neurotic

Bald Wisdom brings joy to the world, but sometimes the opposite occurs. Here are a few things that might have happened that have made the pastor just slightly more neurotic.

1. Take credit for his ideas.

2. Preach for less than 15 minutes on a Sunday morning. 

3. Forget to wear a belt on a Sunday morning.

4. Ask if you can video tape his sermons without giving him a reason why.

5. Steal (accidentally) his pens, cough drops, and commentaries.

6. Encourage his children to get into expensive hobbies.

Things That Make Students Neurotic

We all have things in our life that make us just a little bit more neurotic. Here are some things I have observed that make students neurotic.

1. Tell a student you want to speak to them in your office. It's especially fun when you get all serious and morose. They panic and inevitably ask "Am I in trouble?" You sit in silence and let them sweat it out for a few seconds and then proceed to ask if they are coming to the pool party next week. 

2. My personal favorite. List off your pet peeves about things people say when praying, and then ask a student to pray out loud. 

3. Ask a student to read a portion of genealogy from the Old Testament.

4. Play "The Resistance" with students. Nothing like the people you love most breaking your heart repeatedly. 

5. Arbitrarily change the rules to youth group games.