Real Men of Ministry: "I Don't Go To Church But I Lead A Bible Study At Work During Lunch Time" Guy

We salute you "I Don't Go To Church But I Lead A Bible Study At Work During Lunch Time" Guy.

You are commendable for starting a bible study during the lunch hour at your work. I am also glad that out of a company of 275 people, three people (including you) are attending your study. It doesn't matter that you don't actually open the Bible. Simply just talking about your lives is much better. I'm sure when the opportunity arises, you will eventually mention Jesus. If only we had more bible studies like this at work.


Now, please tell me, how is this "bible study" serving as an adequate replacement for the fellowship, education, and accountability that the church provides (well, at least in theory it supposed to provide this)?

Never mind the question, ain't nobody got time for that. We nonetheless salute you for all that you do! You are a valuable asset to the Kingdom!

Real Men of Ministry: Mr. Mormon Destroyer

Today we begin with our salute to Mr. Mormon Destroyer.

You see, we have all been enjoying a peaceful afternoon at our home when Mormon (Or JW) evangelists come to our door. Some Christians will simply say "thanks, but no thanks." Others will have a brief and polite conversation. And then, there are those who invite the evangelists into their home for a discussion. Now there is nothing wrong with inviting these folks into your home. In fact I think it is a great thing to do, but Mr. Mormon Destroyer doesn't quite understand the nuances of such a tactic. Rather than reason with humility and gentleness with these "missionaries," Mr. Mormon Destroyer is simply trying to prove the errors and faults of another's religion. There is no tact and grace. He comes out guns blazing, insulting and mocking his new friends. He challenges every concept, listens to nothing they say, and openly mocks their ideology. His new friends leave, and that following Sunday Mr. Mormon Destroyer brags to everyone in his congregation about how he just rocked those Mormons that came to his door. Good job Mr. Mormon Destroyer! Those Mormons might not be Mormons anymore...but they have also been turned off of Evangelical Christianity forever. Well done indeed. We salute you Mr. Mormon Destroyer!

Real Men of Ministry

A few years ago, a certain beer company ran a commercial series called "Real Men of Genius." The series highlighted an individual with some peculiar characteristic and then made up a satirical song about that individual. If curious, a simple YouTube search will fill you in. While the series was good for a few chuckles, I haven't thought much about it in some time. In talking with a few friends, that commercial series popped up in conversation. Naturally, I thought of Bald Wisdomizing it and doing a Real Men of Ministry series.

Now, what kind of people are deserving of such a title? Well, even though I have not been in vocational ministry that long, I have witnessed people who are not in vocational ministry boast to those who do work in the church about all the great things they do in ministry. Now, I am confident that many of these people are doing some good work, but I cannot help but chuckle when they try to impress me or another church worker/pastor about their stories of great ministry exploits.

For example, I am standing in a line with some other chap. We make small talk and he eventually asks what I do for a living. My general response is "I work with students in the church." Generally, the person will feign a smile and say "oh that's cool," but not this time. I have unknowingly opened Pandora's Box and this is now a license for this bloke to tell me about every ministry deed he has done. Even though he is an electrician from Modesto and is in town visiting family, he is sure to let me know that he holds the keys to the Kingdom...and if I only I could just see all that he does back at his home church.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love hearing about how God is using other people in the Kingdom. I've learned a lot from hearing the stories of others. But, it is never hard to tell when someone is sharing with me his or her exploits because they want me to either validate them or be impressed with them. While I play it cool, it always makes me laugh inside, and so now, I want to share with you, the loyal Bald Wisdomaniac (can someone put that on a T-Shirt?), some of my favorite "Real Men of Ministry" moments. Oh, and do not worry, at Bald Wisdom, we do not discriminate! I will certainly highlight you women as well!

So, starting next week, sit back at get ready to salute the Real Men (and women) Of Ministry!

Bald Wisdom's Tip O' The Week.

If your office has a window at street level, be careful when picking your nose.

An Updated Guide to Competitive Prayer Ranking

Last year I unveiled my guide to competitive prayer. While it was a good beginning, I would like to provide you, the loyal reader, with an updated guide that ensure that your prayer battles can become even more legendary. Enjoy.

The Holy of Holies Prayer Success Ranker

1. Someone says "Yes, Lord" during your prayer.  +1
2. Someone says "Amen" during your prayer.  +1
3. Someone groans in agreement with your prayer.  +.5
4. Someone yawns during your prayer.  -1
5. Someone falls asleep during your prayer  -10
6. Someone walks away during your prayer - 15
7. Someone says "Hallelujah" or "Praise Jesus" during your prayer  +3 (x2 if they are a Lutheran)
8. Your prayer brings someone to tears.  +5
9. Someone doesn't say "Amen" at the end of your prayer.  -1
10. Some laughs at your prayer.  -3
11. Someone laughs with you during your prayer.  +3
12. You thank God for no injuries during an activity when in fact no one was injured. +1
13. You thank God for no injuries during an activity when in fact someone was injured. - 5
14. Your phone goes off during your prayer.  -3
15. Your phone goes off during your prayer, blasting inappropriate song lyrics. -6
16. You quote scripture during your prayer. +2
17. You quote Scripture during your prayer from the King James Translation.  +5
18. You quote Scripture during your prayer from the original Hebrew/Greek. + 7
19. You quote Scripture during your prayer from the original Aramaic.  +10
20. You incorrectly cite a passage of Scripture.  - 3
21. You begin your prayer by saying "Dear God."  -1
22. You refer to God as "Abba Father." +2
23. You refer to God as "Daddy."  +4
24. You refer to God as "Mommy" -4
25. Another person refers to God as "Daddy" after you. + 2
26. Another person refers to God as "Mommy" after you. -4
27. You pray for "traveling mercies."  - 2
28. You pray that God would "be" with someone.  - 2
29. You gossip about somebody during your prayer.  -2
30. You gossip about somebody during your prayer and that person is in the prayer circle.  +2
31. You gossip about somebody during your prayer and that person is in the prayer circle and he/she says "Amen." +6
32. You break out into worship song during your prayer.  +10
33. You use a quote from any secular movie, t.v. show, or song during your prayer. +1 (+3 if someone says "Hallelujah" or "Praise Jesus" after you quote the line)
34. Your stomach grumbles audibly during the prayer. -1
35. You fart during your own prayer.  -3
36. But everyone thinks someone else farted.  +4
37. You begin coughing or sneezing during your prayer. -1
38. You begin speaking in tongues during your prayer.  +7
39. Someone else begins speaking in tongues during your prayer. +10
40. Someone in the prayer circle is miraculously healed during your prayer. +20.
41. The building your prayer group is in collapses. -50
42. The building your prayer group is in collapses but no one is killed or injured. +60
43. Someone in the group becomes possessed by a demon during your prayer.  -35
44. You are possessed by a demon during your prayer.  -45
45. Jesus returns to earth during your prayer.  +1,000,000

A Beacon of Hope!

After a summer break, Bald Wisdom is back!

A few things I noticed while taking a break:

1. The post on competitive prayer ranking has impacted people to a greater degree than expected. I'm tempted to start printing out score cards and placing them in the church bulletin.

2. I wanted to hug everyone who asked when the blog would be making a comeback. Those four people are true heroes of the faith!

3. I witnessed the birth of several blogs during my hiatus. My theory is that the lack of Bald Wisdom was catastrophic to the Christian community, and as a result, individuals were compelled to begin blogging to prevent the collapse of the American church.

4. None of those new blogs were intended to be comical, which was good for me, as competition rarely seems to bring out the best in me.

5. Still no high-powered toilets at our church. This concerns me....

6. People are generally sadder without a consistent dose of Bald Wisdom.

7. I'm still just as full of hot air now as I was before the break.

8. It's good to be writing again.

9. I hope you agree!

10. Enjoy!