The Catalyst Double Standard

When we go a church and the pastor swears, we think it is inappropriate.

When we go to Catalyst, and a world famous speaker swears, we think he is being hip and relevant.

Where Would You Rather Be?

Nearly every speaker at Catalyst starts out with the sentence, or some derivation of it: "So glad to be here, there is no place I'd rather be than right here with you guys!"

This is how I process such a statement:

1. What do your wife and kids have to say about that?
2. What if the audience left and a new audience came in a took our place? Would you still feel the same way? 
3. If so, then you come across as someone who just says whatever the listener wants to hear. That lacks conviction!
4. What if we were all together, but in a new location? If that was the case, then the location is irrelevant. Rather, you are excited to be with us as an audience.
5. Yet, you have no knowledge of who the people are in the audience.
6. Or if you do, then you must have super crazy powers to know each one of us individually.
7. Maybe this guy is Jesus.
8. Or the Devil.
9. There are too many Christians here. And everyone was lifting their hands during worship, I don't think the Devil feels comfortable around here.
10. But he can't be Jesus because I saw a picture of Jesus and he had a halo above his head and a lamb draped around his shoulders. This guy has neither. Plus, I learned in seminary that when Jesus returns, there would be the sound of a trumpet. I didn't hear a trumpet. 
11. Ok, I am reasonably convinced that this guy is neither the Devil or Jesus.
12. I also suspect that he does not have super powers us that allows him to know each member of the audience.
13. So if he doesn't know us as the audience, and the location is not relevant to why he is happy to be here, why would he say that there is no place he'd rather be?
14. Maybe he is getting paid a lot of money to be here, and if he were anywhere else, he wouldn't be getting paid.
15. It doesn't seem like this guy is in it for the money.
16. Did I hear someone call my name? 
17. No...
18. Ok, where was I?
19. Oh ya, if he isn't in it for the money, then maybe he is happy to be here because he is just very excited to share what he knows with an audience that desires to hear what he says.
20. How does he know the audience really is in fact here to hear him though?
21. Well they did give him a big applause, and they paid money to be here.
22. Ok, I guess his story checks out. Time to start listening.
23. Wait, he is done speaking? I missed it...ah fiddlesticks....

Flushstrong

Last week I was at Catalyst with the SVCC staff. If you don't know what Catalyst is, it is a large annual conference for pastors, leaders, etc. It was held at the very large and exquisite Mariners Church in Irvine, California. Many famous pastors, executives, and celebrities participate as speakers and delight the audience with their humor, insight, and all-around awesomeness. It was a great time to learn from some of the top minds in Christendom, but what proved to be most significant might surprise you.

After completing my business in the restroom, I was shocked at how amazingly powerful the toilets were at Mariners Church. It makes sense though, a church that has multiple services with a sanctuary that fits 4,000 people needs high powered toilets. But here is the million dollar question: Do high-powered toilets cause church growth, or is it merely a correlation that large churches have high-powered toilets?

Perhaps you are wondering why this is significant? Well a few reasons:

1. If toilet function is significant in the causality of church size and Sierra Vista intends to grow, then it is of primary importance to upgrade our toilets.

2. On the other hand, if there is a correlation between toilet flush power and church size, it still remains important to consider upgrading our toilets for these following reasons:

• Correlation does not imply causation, but can church growth be sustained without the existence of high-powered toilets at SVCC? This is perhaps an important correlation to consider for our future health and well-being as a church.

• What kind of message does it send if we continue to grow as a church but condone weak, underpowered toilets? Do we run the risk of alienating new people? Perhaps a new convert has no experience with a high-powered toilet, but what sort of message do we send to those who have experienced mega-church flush power?

• Can we afford to have people missing out on worship, the sermon, or fellowship because of 2, 3, or even 4 flushes unnecessary flushes?

Clearly we stand on the precipice of major church reform. We spend money to feed the poor, build water wells in Africa, and equip our people to grow in love for God and the community, but I cannot help but think we are missing out on what is most important. Sure, you can say "this is all a load of crap," but that is exactly what we will have on our hands if we fail to respond! In light of this new and revealing data, we must faithfully open our wallets and support our new "Flushstrong" campaign (elder approval pending). For a generous donation, we can finally have the toilets that the Kingdom of God deserves.

This post is dedicated to all the churches who have neglected the Kingdom of God and instead argue about carpet color, flag placement, and God knows what else! May God be with them.

Catalyst Time!

Leaving for Catalyst today. What this means:

1. Pastors that go to Catalyst are cool and hip. I am already cool and hip, but you can still be impressed. It's ok, I'll wait.
2. I'll be providing Catalyst related posts, which might consist of:
1. Snarky comments
2. Ridiculous photos
3. Absurd insights
4. Something spiritually uplifting, although covered with sarcasm and veiled with facetiousness  
5. Absolutely nothing because I forgot to post
3.  You can't visit me this week. I bet you are all pretty bummed.
4. Todd and I will argue about why we can't go to a C-rated hole in the wall Mexican Restaurant.
5. I'm missing Rush induction in the Hall of Fame.

"What's The Deal With...?"

Inviting a friend to church can sometimes be a scary proposition. If the friend is a Christian, then some of the fears are mitigated, but not completely removed. We wonder things like this:

"What if they don't like worship?"
"What if they think the pastor is boring?"
"What if people aren't friendly?".
"What if they judge me because they think my church is heretical?"

And after service, we sheepishly ask the million dollar question, "So....what'd ya think?" And our friends are often gracious in their response, which makes feel all warm and tingly. Nevertheless, there is always one question that leaves us uneasy when they ask "What's the deal with (fill in the blank)?"

You see, every church has some idiosyncrasy that sets it apart from other churches, and no matter how polite your friend is, they must ask the "What's the deal with (fill in the blank)" question. They understand it might be a sore spot or perhaps a point of contention, but what they witnessed was so peculiar that they are compelled to ask.

And if you attend Sierra Vista and you have ever invited a friend, you most certainly have experienced this phenomenon as your friend looks at you with that puzzled look and says "What's the deal with the dancing lady?" 

At SVCC, we have a short, fiery-red haired women who dances in the aisle during worship. Her name is Carla and she is awesome. She is a blessing to those in the church, despite the fact that I've had to hear the "What's the deal with the dancing lady?" question 318 times now.

I know we have some more oddities that set us apart as a church and I'd love to hear what you think makes SVCC so unique. If you go to another church, what is your "What's the deal with (fill in the blank)" question?

What Jesus Watches On T.V.

Too good not to share!

Fighting Back

For anyone who has faced a difficult situation, the most common statement that you hear from friends and family is "Let me know if I can do anything to help." If you have ever endured a crisis, you have undoubtedly heard this line.

I have faced no shortage of crises during my life and I have often heard that infamous line. Some offer support, and without a doubt in my mind, I believe they will drop everything to help. And many of my friends have shown amazing support. I've had friends do my laundry, bring meals, help with chores, etc. I am eternally grateful for these people. And often, during a crisis, I hesitate to ask them for help, because I know they will make sacrifices on my behalf and offer the help I need.

On the other hand, there are folks who offer support, but I already know they are just paying lip service. They say the right things, but I know they have no intention of helping. Many of us know these kinds of people. Well, I have decided I will do something about it and call their bluff. No longer will I smile and say "thanks, but I'm ok." Rather, I will find the cruel and unusual tasks for them to do.

"Oh so you want to help? Perfect, you can come over and give my rabid rottweiler a sponge bath! I can't find his muzzle, but you should be ok."

"You want to bring a meal? That's great, it's doctors orders that I eat only lobster tail with lemon butter sauce. And would it kill you to provide dessert as well?"

"You want to help me with chores? Good timing, I have a tree stump I would like you to take out!"

So my friends, join me in this endeavor! Some might call you a sick freak, but I for one, take great pleasure in watching an acquaintance squirm when he/she has offered help and I then proceed to give instructions on how to reorganize my underwear drawer.

Bottom's Up

Of all my ministry related injuries, this was by far the worst. So grateful that I can look back on this one and laugh...

#1 Bottom's Up

I'm a sucker for the summer. I love the beach, grilling up some brauts, and chilling in the pool, but there is something special when you wake up and see the mountains covered in snow.During one of So Cal's better storms, John Bocanegra (the youth pastor that I was serving under) and I decided to take some students up to the mountains to play in the snow. Prior to going up, he purchased an inflatable boat in the hopes that we could all ride down the mountain together. Unfortunately, the boat was a flop, but some nice folks let us ride their inflatable tube down the mountain. We took turns riding down the extremely steep, but relatively safe slop. Naturally, the students got bored of tubing, but John, myself, and Billy (my 250 pound friend) were showing no signs of weariness. Nevertheless, we had to call it quits because it began snowing and we were afraid of getting trapped in the mountains without chains. Since we could not decide who would get the last run, John proposed we all get in the inflatable tube together. I sensed this was a bad idea, but this was was friend and mentor; surely he wouldn't lead me to my demise! In what proved to be a poor decision, I sat in the tube first, with Billy (my 250 pound friend) on top of me, and then John on top of him. The weight prevented me from keeping my body off of the snow, and naturally, as we began to slide down the mountain, my butt was riding on the snow. The tube began to spin, and we were now sliding down backwards and speeds only attainable by military jets. For a brief moment, I thought we might all survive this horrible idea. Unfortunately, I did not account for the large and jagged rock that was just slightly covered by snow. My lower back struck the rock, sending all of us fearless flyers in different directions. I came to a stop and immediately sensed something was wrong as I couldn't move my legs. John comes running over to me, not sensing my pain and anguish. I informed him that I couldn't move my legs, but it was too late, as he was already rolling across my bruised and battered body (I don't know where he learned such a technique). After about a minute or so, I regained movement, but I could not walk very well. My loving friends decided to carry me off the slope and back to the car. I would say they did a fair job as they only dropped me once. Upon getting into the car, I had the joy of a 3 hour drive as traffic was crawling down the now snowy and slick road.

The next day, I was in the doctor's office, convinced that I would be diagnosed with the manliest injury ever. I was unfortunately diagnosed with a gluteal contusion (aka, I bonked my bottom). Well, it took several years to fully recover, and to this day, I still get flare ups of pain which serve as a constant reminder that I will never do something so foolish ever again!

Bouncing Back in Slow Motion

#2 Bouncing Back in Slow Motion

One of the great things about youth ministry is that working with students helps you stay young. There is a problem with this though, for even though there are many things about youth ministry that help you to stay young, there are many things that remind you that your body isn't what it used to be. This is an especially sad realization when you haven't turned 30 yet...like a certain youth pastor that we all know.

This was all made very apparent when I took my college students on a Tuesday night to an indoor trampoline center. If you have never been to such a facility, it is a large warehouse with trampolines on the floor and walls. There is a dedicated trampoline area to play dodge ball, and then my personal favorite, the foam pit in which you jump off of trampolines and land in a pit filled with foam cubes. After an hour of bouncing, flips, and tricks that exceeded my physical capability, I went home with a smile on my face. Shortly after arriving at home, my body began to ache. The pain was especially strong in my back. I ended up sleeping with a pillow between my legs because my back was so jacked up. And for the next week I endured the incessant banter that all said the same thing, "You know, you are getting old." A few days later, the pain began to subside and I was able to move around with greater freedom. Just in time too, because it was Sunday, and I was taking my jr./sr. high students to the trampoline facility....where I promptly destroyed myself again.

Never again will I ever do something so foolish...