Fighting Back

For anyone who has faced a difficult situation, the most common statement that you hear from friends and family is "Let me know if I can do anything to help." If you have ever endured a crisis, you have undoubtedly heard this line.

I have faced no shortage of crises during my life and I have often heard that infamous line. Some offer support, and without a doubt in my mind, I believe they will drop everything to help. And many of my friends have shown amazing support. I've had friends do my laundry, bring meals, help with chores, etc. I am eternally grateful for these people. And often, during a crisis, I hesitate to ask them for help, because I know they will make sacrifices on my behalf and offer the help I need.

On the other hand, there are folks who offer support, but I already know they are just paying lip service. They say the right things, but I know they have no intention of helping. Many of us know these kinds of people. Well, I have decided I will do something about it and call their bluff. No longer will I smile and say "thanks, but I'm ok." Rather, I will find the cruel and unusual tasks for them to do.

"Oh so you want to help? Perfect, you can come over and give my rabid rottweiler a sponge bath! I can't find his muzzle, but you should be ok."

"You want to bring a meal? That's great, it's doctors orders that I eat only lobster tail with lemon butter sauce. And would it kill you to provide dessert as well?"

"You want to help me with chores? Good timing, I have a tree stump I would like you to take out!"

So my friends, join me in this endeavor! Some might call you a sick freak, but I for one, take great pleasure in watching an acquaintance squirm when he/she has offered help and I then proceed to give instructions on how to reorganize my underwear drawer.