Food For Thought

Sometimes in youth ministry you don't eat dinner hoping the youth or adult leaders will show up having brought food. Here are three reasons why that is a bad idea:

1. Students rarely bring food. When they do, they usually bring dinner for themselves. Mooching food was cool in high school, but those days are long gone. It puts you in an awkward spot and it's pretty much lose - lose.

2. If students bring food, it's usually junk food. Sure you fill your stomach, but your risk of diabetes increased by 47%

3. Sometimes good food is brought to be shared, but the students got their slobbery gums all over the edible goodness they want to share. Not interested, thanks though.

Facebook Spirituality: Part 2

Part of the Facebook experience is coming across your friends who post religious content. Often times someone will post a bible verse, a meme, or a quote from a pastor or theologian. I am grateful we have the freedom to post things of a religious nature. Nonetheless, having the freedom to do something doesn't necessarily imply you should. Let me give you an example:

An individual posts a meme like the one below. The attempt is noble and to encourage friends to be aware that the Christian life cannot be turned on and off. 

The problem arises when the good spiritual meme was sandwiched by 2 inappropriate memes. I would love to show you an example, but this is a family friendly blog. The fact is, there is no such thing as an inappropriate meme that is appropriate for this site. Trust me, a google search confirmed this. Nevertheless, when you post something about "$^#% and their #^%@ all over the $*&%$&#*" and then post the Christian meme, you are not doing yourself or your Christian brothers and sisters any favor.

Now, according to a discovery last week, not only do I love Satan, I also bear his likeness. Perhaps I am unqualified to give any advice on matters of Christiany things, so take my comments with a grain of salt.

Facebook Spirituality

For those who frequent Facebook, you have undoubtedly come across pictures similar to the one shown here.

Since I kept scrolling, apparently I love Satan. I apologize for this inconvenience, as it probably will hinder my ministry. I thought I loved Jesus and I thought I was doing a good job of serving the kingdom, but that all came crashing down as I unsanctimoniously scrolled down the facebook page.  What is also concerning to me is the fact that I look like Satan. Perhaps we are related? Maybe this explains why I couldn't share the photo as I had some sort of subconscious awareness of our familial ties.

Nonetheless, I am sure this new found love for the devil comes as a shock to you all. I sincerely apologize and will try to overcome this new found infatuation with Satanas!

Youth Pastor's Bane

There are many hazards to a youth pastor's health. One they don't tell you about in seminary is girl scouts and their treacherously delicious cookies. This is how it generally goes down. It is a typical Wednesday night service, and next thing you know you are surrounded by two or three girl scouts. You cannot buy cookies from just one scout, so you commit to buying from all three. And of course they look at you with those puppy dog eyes and you cannot resist but to buy 10 boxes from each scout. Next thing you know, you've spent $120 on cookies that will do nothing more than induce laziness and pollute your arteries. You vow next year to not fall for their siren's song, but every year, you are helpless to resist.

I know at our church we use the tagline "All are welcome," but I'm seriously considering an amendment that bans those foul temptresses and their maliciously sweet cookies.

The Beards of Ministry

This photo was sent to me by my good friend, Philip Powers. Gave me a laugh and I figured I had to share it. Enjoy!

Words I Like To Use In Sermons

Working on a sermon for Sunday, so I don't have as much time for blogging. Nonetheless, I am really excited to use the word "impotent" in this week's message. That is all.

Good Idea, Bad Idea

Good Idea - Riding your bike to church.

Bad Idea - Riding your bike to church when you have a cold on a day in which you need to work on a sermon for Sunday.

Infectious Christianity

It is a known fact that people like hugging pastors. This becomes tricky business when you are a pastor that is sick. I learned that all too well this past Sunday.

Not wanting to spread the plague that has infected me over the past few days, I try to keep my distance from handshakers and huggers. When people wanted to greet me, I bumped elbows (it has been scientifically proven that germs cannot be spread through elbow bumping) or did some other goofy gesture that showed my delight at seeing someone in manner that kept the germs to myself.

Sometimes though, germ sharing simply cannot be avoided. Sometimes people sneak up on you and take a hug. Before you even realize what has happened, your arms are around another person. You release your grip, fearing only the worst for the person you hugged as you are too embarrassed to warn them of the fate that surely will befall them.

Sometimes I get caught up in the excitement of greeting someone. I stick out my hand to shake their hand (usually a dude because it always feels awkward to give a woman a handshake. Am I alone in this?) and then as the person reaches out to grasp my hand I remember I am sick. It's too late to retract my hand, that would be awkward and rude. Sure enough they make contact, grasping my disease ridden hand. I give them a smile, but internally I cry, knowing I have just sent an innocent person to the grave.

But what if I see someone at church that I truly despise? Well I do what the Bible tells me to do. I follow Romans 16:16 and greet them with a kiss!

Top 5 Truth Statements About Camp

5. There is always one student who is unable to roll his/her sleeping bag up.

4. There is always one table of students who play that stupid cup passing game.

3. There is always one student who snores, and then denies it.

2. There is always one student who is constantly asking "when is the next free time?"

1. There is always one student that forgets underwear and/or deodorant.

Of Gruel and Goo

Trying out your particular brand of humor on strangers is a risky thing. For example, this past weekend, I took our students to Winter Camp. At the breakfast line, I asked for what I thought was cream of wheat. I was corrected as the cafeteria lady told me what it was. Unfortunately I couldn't understand what she said. Nonetheless, this unknown breakfast substance was very delicious. I quickly consumed my serving and returned for a second helping. The same cafeteria lady asked what I wanted to eat and I responded by asking for "mystery goo." Although she knew what I wanted, her scowl showed that she was not amused by me.

The following morning in the breakfast line, I noticed they were serving what appeared to be oatmeal. Since I was wrong about the cream of wheat the morning prior, I was hesitant to ask for oatmeal. Instead, I used the most generic term I knew for such a substance and I asked for a bowl of gruel. Similarly, this cafeteria worker knew what I was asking for. Unlike the cafeteria lady before him, he chuckled and was amused by my antics.


All this goes to show is that some people get you and appreciate your style. Everyone else? Well they clearly lack culture and sophistication.

Dear Grumpy Camp Worker

Dear Grumpy Camp Worker,

I apologize for my students and me being such a burden on you this weekend. Every interaction with us seemed grueling and painful. Never mind the fact that you are a paid worker. Never mind the fact that you chose to work with Junior and High School students. We are to blame. Never again will we inconvenience you by showing up to the events that you are in charge of. Never again will we ask you to call the RN on duty. Never again would we dare ask you a favor. In fact, we will do everything in our power to stay out of your way and to ensure that your weekend requires no interaction with students. We can't wait until we see your cheery face next year!

Best wishes,

Frontline Youth Ministry