Revenge Loophooles

A few months ago I preached on the topic of revenge. In my study, it was pretty clear that revenge is something that is reserved for God. It looks like I discovered a loophole though. Now don't get me wrong. I certainly agree that revenge is something that belongs to God, and God alone. BUT, if we disguise our revenge so that it looks like it is coming from God, then I think it is ok.

For example, God used venomous snakes in the Old Testament to punish the Israelite people for their disobedience. Therefore, if we can get revenge in a such a manner that imitates that scenario, then I am certain we have God's approval in getting revenge. We just have to make it look like it is God who is enacting the revenge.

With this in mind, I want to introduce the Rattlesnake-a-pult. Similar to a catapult, it is designed to launch rattlesnakes (which I'm sure your local pet shot carries) at malevolent individuals that cause you great harm. The uses are undeniable. Set up a Rattlesnake-a-pult in your backyard and if those rowdy teenage boys across the street throw another raucous party, then you will be well prepared to take matters into your own hands. Set the coordinates, and a dozen or so rattlers, launched into the heavens will certainly put an end of the party. And better yet, those vociferous kids will certainly not assume you or any man caused this calamity. For who can drop rattlesnakes from the heavens other than God himself? These kids will then know that they have sinned before an angry God and they will be so ashamed of their sin that they will never throw a loud party again. Moreover, they will repent and become devout followers of our Lord. You see, the Rattlesnake-a-pult is not only a tool for protecting yourself, it is also a utility in the spread of the Gospel.

So, the next time you catch me mumbling about throwing rattlesnakes at people I don't like, just know that I care about their salvation more than you do.