Bible App Beat-Down

If bringing your Bible to church makes you cool, then you are infinitely cooler when you read the Bible on your smartphone. I can't full explain it, but I am pretty sure God gives extra grace to those who read the Bible on their phone. I too prefer to use my Bible app. The wealth of translation options are amazing. I no longer sheepishly flip back and forth as I look for one of those darned minor prophet books (I'm looking at you Amos!). And most importantly, since I always carry my phone, my bible is always with me. I mean, nothing is more holy than someone who always carries his Bible around. Thank you smartphone for increasing my holiness aura!

Yet, despite the awesomeness of the smartphone Bible app, church goers still haven't gotten quite used to the fact that the Bible app still exists. Sometimes, even I forget. I'm preaching my heart out and some student is gazing stupidly into his phone. This is my chance to call him out on it. I will make an example of this rogue student who defies me and the God of this universe. And so I call out the student and I suspect he will cower in embarrassment for his crime of looking at his cell phone while the youth pastor is preaching. Instead, he shows me his screen. I see his Bible app is fired up. He is in the first chapter of Romans. A quick glance at my study notes confirms I am in fact preaching on Romans 1.

That my friends, is the Bible App Beat-Down (BABD). This is what happens when you when you call someone out in rude fashion for looking at their phone, when in reality they are using their phone to read the Holy Bible. It is never a fun thing to have someone bust out the BABD on you. It doesn't feel good.

So, help out your pastors around the world. Help us from making a fool of ourselves at the hands of the BABD. Here is how you can help.

#1. The Beacon

• The beacon comes in two forms. It can be a T-Shirt that says "Bible App User." Quick and to the point. This is very useful in small youth or church services. The pastor (and other members) can see the shirt, and we now know to stay clear of the potentially deadly BABD.
• The second form is a flag. You know how when you go water skiing, some of the boats have a long pole with an orange flag at the end. In a similar fashion, attach a large pole to your body that has an orange flag at the top. The flag should also say "Bible App User." This is more useful in large groups where perhaps the pastor cannot see your T-shirt, but make no mistake, he sees the flag in all of its glory!

#2 The Disguise

• Buy a fancy, leather flip case for your smart phone. Make sure it says Holy Bible on the back. If you really want it to look authentic, put some initials that signify what translation it is. Something like NBWT (New Bald Wisdom Translation) is appropriate. Not only will people not suspect you are on your phone (avoiding you hassle and condemnation), but the brightness of the screen might fool people into believing that  your translation is so holy that it actually glows.

Or....you can just bring your actual Bible and save your pastor the heartache over whether he should call you out or not. But then you miss out on looking cool at church, which is pretty important. In that case, just go with "The Disguise."