Things They Don't Teach In Seminary - Part I

I am a proud graduate from Talbot School of Theology. I feel as if they did an exceptional job in preparing me for vocational ministry. Nevertheless, no seminary can provide 100% of the training someone will need to be successful. Therefore, Bald Wisdom is presenting (a long overdue) series on "Things They Don't Teach In Seminary." Enjoy.

Part I - Ants

Youth rooms, in theory, are filled with students. And occasionally, you provide food and drink to the students who happen to be loitering in the youth room. Moreover, said students, often bring a variety of consumables into said room. Often times these consumables are of a sugary nature. Sodas, candy, Starbucks, smoothies, ice cream and the like. You know, all the stuff that really gets an ant going. And without fail, drinks are spilled, wrappers are left out, and crumbs are dropped. And so the ants come in droves. While I welcome our ant overlords, I understand that some people are bothered by them. So I lay traps...over and over and over again, yet for every ant I kill, two take its place. Some have suggested that I use different brands of traps. Others suggest I spray poison in the youth room. There is also a minority of individuals who have recommended that I learn the language of the ants, gain their trust, and negotiate a peace treaty. 

While all valuable suggestions in their own right, is it not reasonable to suggest that seminaries could have foreseen this issue and prepared me for the endless battle? Surely I am not the only pastor (and definitely not the only youth pastor) who has struggled and battled with ants. Surely my seminary could have given me advice and wisdom on how to eradicate my foe without simultaneously poisoning every human who walks into the youth room. Even Scripture foresaw this battle, as Paul writes to the Ephesians that our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against rulers, authorities, and the powers of darkness. He is of course referring to ants!

I am eternally grateful to my seminary, but they really dropped the ball on this one...