A Guide to Ranking Competitive Prayer

Christians are often asked to get together in groups to pray over something. These times can be great moments of prayer as Christians lift up issues to Almighty God. But, these times are also moments of competition, in which Christians try to one up one another with more holy and pleasing prayers to God. None can deny this phenomenon (especially when the group consists of all guys), but without an objective way to measure prayer success, no winner can be declared. Until now! I present you with the Holy Of Holies Prayer Success Ranker. As you pray, you will be scored based on what occurs during your prayer session. Now, we have an official and objective way to measure prayer success!


The Holy of Holies Prayer Success Ranker

1. Someone says "Yes, Lord" during your prayer.  +1
2. Someone says "Amen" during your prayer.  +1
3. Someone groans in agreement with your prayer.  +.5
4. Someone yawns during your prayer.  -1
5. Someone falls asleep during your prayer  -10
6. Someone says "Hallelujah" or "Praise Jesus" during your prayer  +3
7. Your prayer brings someone to tears.  +5
8. Someone doesn't say "Amen" at the end of your prayer.  -1
9. Some laughs at your prayer.  -3
10. Someone laughs with you during your prayer.  +3
11. Your phone goes off during your prayer.  -3
12. You quote scripture during your prayer. +2
13. You begin your prayer by saying "Dear God."  -1
14. You refer to God as "Abba Father." +2
15. You refer to God as "Daddy."  +4
16. If another person refers to God as "Daddy" after you. + 2
17. You gossip about somebody during your prayer.  -2
18. You gossip about somebody during your prayer and that person is in the prayer circle.  +2
19. You break out into worship song during your prayer.  +5
20. You use a quote from any secular movie, t.v. show, or song during your prayer. +1 (+3 if someone says "Hallelujah" or "Praise Jesus" after you quote the line)
21. Your stomach grumbles audibly during the prayer. -1
22. You being coughing or sneezing during your prayer. -1
23. You begin speaking in tongues during your prayer.  +7
24. Someone else begins speaking in tongues during your prayer. +10
25. Someone in the prayer circle is miraculously healed during your prayer. +20.
26. The building your prayer group is in collapses. -30
27. The building your prayer group is in collapses but no one is killed or injured. +30
28. Someone in the group becomes possessed by a demon during your prayer.  -40
29. You are possessed by a demon during your prayer.  -50
30. Jesus returns to earth during your prayer.  +1,000,000