Food For Thought

Sometimes in youth ministry you don't eat dinner hoping the youth or adult leaders will show up having brought food. Here are three reasons why that is a bad idea:

1. Students rarely bring food. When they do, they usually bring dinner for themselves. Mooching food was cool in high school, but those days are long gone. It puts you in an awkward spot and it's pretty much lose - lose.

2. If students bring food, it's usually junk food. Sure you fill your stomach, but your risk of diabetes increased by 47%

3. Sometimes good food is brought to be shared, but the students got their slobbery gums all over the edible goodness they want to share. Not interested, thanks though.

Facebook Spirituality: Part 2

Part of the Facebook experience is coming across your friends who post religious content. Often times someone will post a bible verse, a meme, or a quote from a pastor or theologian. I am grateful we have the freedom to post things of a religious nature. Nonetheless, having the freedom to do something doesn't necessarily imply you should. Let me give you an example:

An individual posts a meme like the one below. The attempt is noble and to encourage friends to be aware that the Christian life cannot be turned on and off. 

The problem arises when the good spiritual meme was sandwiched by 2 inappropriate memes. I would love to show you an example, but this is a family friendly blog. The fact is, there is no such thing as an inappropriate meme that is appropriate for this site. Trust me, a google search confirmed this. Nevertheless, when you post something about "$^#% and their #^%@ all over the $*&%$&#*" and then post the Christian meme, you are not doing yourself or your Christian brothers and sisters any favor.

Now, according to a discovery last week, not only do I love Satan, I also bear his likeness. Perhaps I am unqualified to give any advice on matters of Christiany things, so take my comments with a grain of salt.

Facebook Spirituality

For those who frequent Facebook, you have undoubtedly come across pictures similar to the one shown here.

Since I kept scrolling, apparently I love Satan. I apologize for this inconvenience, as it probably will hinder my ministry. I thought I loved Jesus and I thought I was doing a good job of serving the kingdom, but that all came crashing down as I unsanctimoniously scrolled down the facebook page.  What is also concerning to me is the fact that I look like Satan. Perhaps we are related? Maybe this explains why I couldn't share the photo as I had some sort of subconscious awareness of our familial ties.

Nonetheless, I am sure this new found love for the devil comes as a shock to you all. I sincerely apologize and will try to overcome this new found infatuation with Satanas!

Youth Pastor's Bane

There are many hazards to a youth pastor's health. One they don't tell you about in seminary is girl scouts and their treacherously delicious cookies. This is how it generally goes down. It is a typical Wednesday night service, and next thing you know you are surrounded by two or three girl scouts. You cannot buy cookies from just one scout, so you commit to buying from all three. And of course they look at you with those puppy dog eyes and you cannot resist but to buy 10 boxes from each scout. Next thing you know, you've spent $120 on cookies that will do nothing more than induce laziness and pollute your arteries. You vow next year to not fall for their siren's song, but every year, you are helpless to resist.

I know at our church we use the tagline "All are welcome," but I'm seriously considering an amendment that bans those foul temptresses and their maliciously sweet cookies.

The Beards of Ministry

This photo was sent to me by my good friend, Philip Powers. Gave me a laugh and I figured I had to share it. Enjoy!

Words I Like To Use In Sermons

Working on a sermon for Sunday, so I don't have as much time for blogging. Nonetheless, I am really excited to use the word "impotent" in this week's message. That is all.

Good Idea, Bad Idea

Good Idea - Riding your bike to church.

Bad Idea - Riding your bike to church when you have a cold on a day in which you need to work on a sermon for Sunday.

Infectious Christianity

It is a known fact that people like hugging pastors. This becomes tricky business when you are a pastor that is sick. I learned that all too well this past Sunday.

Not wanting to spread the plague that has infected me over the past few days, I try to keep my distance from handshakers and huggers. When people wanted to greet me, I bumped elbows (it has been scientifically proven that germs cannot be spread through elbow bumping) or did some other goofy gesture that showed my delight at seeing someone in manner that kept the germs to myself.

Sometimes though, germ sharing simply cannot be avoided. Sometimes people sneak up on you and take a hug. Before you even realize what has happened, your arms are around another person. You release your grip, fearing only the worst for the person you hugged as you are too embarrassed to warn them of the fate that surely will befall them.

Sometimes I get caught up in the excitement of greeting someone. I stick out my hand to shake their hand (usually a dude because it always feels awkward to give a woman a handshake. Am I alone in this?) and then as the person reaches out to grasp my hand I remember I am sick. It's too late to retract my hand, that would be awkward and rude. Sure enough they make contact, grasping my disease ridden hand. I give them a smile, but internally I cry, knowing I have just sent an innocent person to the grave.

But what if I see someone at church that I truly despise? Well I do what the Bible tells me to do. I follow Romans 16:16 and greet them with a kiss!

Top 5 Truth Statements About Camp

5. There is always one student who is unable to roll his/her sleeping bag up.

4. There is always one table of students who play that stupid cup passing game.

3. There is always one student who snores, and then denies it.

2. There is always one student who is constantly asking "when is the next free time?"

1. There is always one student that forgets underwear and/or deodorant.

Of Gruel and Goo

Trying out your particular brand of humor on strangers is a risky thing. For example, this past weekend, I took our students to Winter Camp. At the breakfast line, I asked for what I thought was cream of wheat. I was corrected as the cafeteria lady told me what it was. Unfortunately I couldn't understand what she said. Nonetheless, this unknown breakfast substance was very delicious. I quickly consumed my serving and returned for a second helping. The same cafeteria lady asked what I wanted to eat and I responded by asking for "mystery goo." Although she knew what I wanted, her scowl showed that she was not amused by me.

The following morning in the breakfast line, I noticed they were serving what appeared to be oatmeal. Since I was wrong about the cream of wheat the morning prior, I was hesitant to ask for oatmeal. Instead, I used the most generic term I knew for such a substance and I asked for a bowl of gruel. Similarly, this cafeteria worker knew what I was asking for. Unlike the cafeteria lady before him, he chuckled and was amused by my antics.


All this goes to show is that some people get you and appreciate your style. Everyone else? Well they clearly lack culture and sophistication.

Dear Grumpy Camp Worker

Dear Grumpy Camp Worker,

I apologize for my students and me being such a burden on you this weekend. Every interaction with us seemed grueling and painful. Never mind the fact that you are a paid worker. Never mind the fact that you chose to work with Junior and High School students. We are to blame. Never again will we inconvenience you by showing up to the events that you are in charge of. Never again will we ask you to call the RN on duty. Never again would we dare ask you a favor. In fact, we will do everything in our power to stay out of your way and to ensure that your weekend requires no interaction with students. We can't wait until we see your cheery face next year!

Best wishes,

Frontline Youth Ministry

Sometimes...

Sometimes I go visit other churches. I always ask to see their youth room. That way I can secretly judge how cool or lame they are based on what their youth room looks like.

Sometimes I go visit other churches. I like to see how stocked their food pantry is. That way I can secretly judge whether they love the community as much as my church does.

Sometimes I go visit other churches. I like to see if they have a large grassy area for students to play on. That way I can secretly spray grass killer on the lawn because I'm jealous that our church doesn't have a grassy area.

Sometimes I go visit other churches. I like to hear their musicians play. That way I can compare their worship band to my church's worship band.

Sometimes I go visit other churches. I like to look at the people sitting in their pews. That way I can secretly judge them for not being like me and going to church for all the right reasons.

Winter Advisory

Winter Camp is quickly approaching, and I am stoked! Sure the food is sub-par and I only get like a total of 6 hours of sleep, but I still love me some Winter Camp. It was in fact attending a Winter Camp with students many years ago that compelled me to go into ministry. So this is an exciting time. There will be many laughs, probably some cries, and some very putrid, stinky cabins (at least on the boys side of camp).  And as the weekend is approaching, I ask that you be praying.


Students: Be praying that the Lord will give you ears to hear what he is saying. Pray that distractions and barriers would be removed that would limit your experience of God's love for you.

Leaders: Pray for the students and that you will continue to grow in love for them. Pray that your capacity to be a mentor and leader would grow.

Adults: Pray for safety and pray that we would come back as a closer, tighter knit group!

Many thanks to those who have supported us through the various fundraising events and many thanks to those great parents who are shuttling us to and from camp! Much love to you all!

Perspective

Last summer, I took my students camping. We leisurely hiked portions of the American River and the Rubicon River. We played in the water, jumped off of rocks, and enjoyed the warm sun. It was a time of rest and relaxation as we could freely enjoy the outdoors without the burden of society upon our shoulders. It truly was heaven. My students called it fat camp. Perspective sure is a funny thing...

We all see and interact with this world differently. As  pondered over the last few days, I was convicted. My perspective is certainly different from the Lord's (how shocking!). Here is my prayer:

"O Lord, give me a glimpse of your divine perspective. 

Expand my capacity to see and understand the world as you do. 

May I never grow disillusioned with the people you have called me to love. 

And may I find joy in learning to serve you.

O Lord, be patient.

Equip me with courage.

Teach me in love.

And show me your perspective." 

The Unwanted Prayer

Students like it when I pray for them to do well on a school exam. They don't like it as much when I pray this:

"Lord, regardless of how so and so does on their exam, remind them that their identity is in you and not in their grades."

Sports Talk

I am not the best person at keeping a conversation going. Often, I don't know what to do with my freakishly long arms (true story, I often have to buy suits from the "irregular" rack because my arms are long for my height.). I can be prone to those awkward pauses and goofy smiles as I try to say something meaningful. My ability to hold a conversation is dramatically improved if the subject matter is regarding sports. Like many other men I know, I am very comfortable conversing about sports. One of the best parts about a conversation/argument on sports is defending players I love and chastising those I hate. Nevertheless, someone can drop a bomb that makes the entire conversation awkward.

Let me explain. Let's say I present my case on why I don't like Player X. Rather than refute my points, my opponents response is "Well, you know, Player X is a devout Christian."

What about I supposed to say to that? If I continue to chastise Player X than I will be guilty of hating a brother/sister in Christ. If I am no longer critical of Player X, then that shows that my convictions are weak. I don't want to be accused of being a flip flopper, but I don't want to hate on the Kingdom of God either.

So, before you drop the "Player X is a devout Christian" bomb, please consider the anxiety you will cause me. This might be one of those situations where ignorance is bliss.

Suit And Sour

This past Saturday, Frontline hosted the Second Annual Winter Banquet. If you are unfamiliar with this event, the youth at SVCC host a fancy dinner for the adults at the church. To add to the aura of it all, the youth dress up in fancy clothes and serve and interact with the adults. Not to be outdone by my beloved youth, I too wore a suit. Many in the church were shocked an surprised. One individual asked me why I don't dress in a suit when I preach. While unable to respond at the time, I now present my top 10 reasons why I do not wear a suit to church when I preach.

A Bohm in a suit is a rare thing indeed.

10. The Youth Pastor code strictly prohibits me from wearing a suit unless I am officiating a funeral/wedding, going to an interview, or playing paintball.

9. Fancy clothes actually would hinder my ability to recall my manuscript. For example, in college I learned that if a student was under the influence of drugs when he/she was studying for an exam, he/she should  take the exam under the influence of those same drugs. I cannot remember the name of that effect, but that effect also applies to preaching. If I do my study in casual clothes, I should also preach in casual clothes. To do anything else would be detrimental to my sermon and to the body of Christ.

8. Putting on a suit takes more time and energy than normal clothes. Ain't nobody got time for that.

7. Since I look so dashing in a suit, the listener would be unable to focus on the words coming out of my mouth.

6. I'm rebelling against my Baptist and Lutheran upbringing.

5. I don't know how to iron clothes.

4. I'd get divorced if I asked my wife to iron my clothes every Saturday night.

3. It's harder to swing Elliot Even around when restricted by a suit.

2. To wear a suit would be an insult to John the Baptist and all that he stood for.

1. I'm a slob. There I said it, are you happy?

Late Sanctification

Some people are always late. I am not one of those people. Those people drive me nuts. Nonetheless, in a grand gesture of heroism, I will offer a tip to all my friends with a delayed disposition. For remember, people grow weary of your excuses. At some point, your friends and family will no longer buy your excuses that attempt to explain your consistent lack of punctuality. Some suggest the solution is to be punctual. I disagree though. You just need a better excuse. Fortunately, I am here to help and I present to you two valid excuses that will have even the most critical of folks forgive your laggard like ways.

The 10:25
As in Luke 10:25-37. That's the parable on the Good Samaritan for those that didn't know. Just like that noble Samaritan, you must help someone in aid. And in doing so, no one will condemn you for being late. No, you will recognized as a hero and as a modern day Good Samaritan. "How noble" is what they will say when they find out you took a old, poor, wounded war widow to the hospital.

Now, I don't condone lying, so you must actually help someone in distress to legally use this excuse, and if you are the one that causes the distress, I am okay with that. If you need to beat up a war widow so that you have a target for your humanitarian efforts, by all means, beat up the war widow. Just never lie about it because lying is a sin.

The Billy Graham
This is the granddaddy of excuses. The ultimate way to get out of being late is to share the Gospel with someone. It doesn't matter how late you are if this is your excuse. Imagine you are late to an important dinner party. Do you really think anyone will give you a hard time for being late because you were spreading the Gospel message? For if anyone even looks disgruntled at you, you simply respond, "Isn't the salvation of a human being more important than our dinner party? So, if you are running late, stop at the gas station and start talking about Jesus. Not only might might the Kingdom of God gain a member, but you now have the ultimate justification for your dawdling.




**Warning** These excuses might not work on Non-Christians. Use at your own discretion

What Matters Most

Like many of my peers, receiving an education was something that was vitally important. This notion was passed down from my parents and reinforced by the Claremont sub-culture. As a result, it was inconceivable to do anything other than attend college after high school. I received my B.A. in 2006 and then, after a short break, I returned to school for my M.Div. I received my degree in 2010. While I was filled with pride over the accomplishment, I was not so naive to think that others shared in my pride. Nevertheless, I had put in the time to learn and study, and I saw myself as someone who was qualified to serve in ministry.

And perhaps, when you work with adults, experience and education are important qualities to determine if someone is qualified for a job. I work with students though. Students are not impressed with how many degrees you hold or what your GPA was. My students were consumed with matters of a more spiritual nature, such as the fact that I own a Xbox 360 and a Nintendo Wii. They were also impressed with the quality of my beard and my overwhelming baldness, but that's a conversation for another time.

So a word of a wisdom to all those considering ministry with students. Education is essential, and I am convinced that solid training and education is a critical part to serving in ministry, but at the end of the day, no one is impressed with where you went to school or what degree you got. But if you got a video game console (with 4 controller so they can play too), you can go anywhere in youth ministry!

A Modest Apology

As a youth pastor, I primarily spend time with the youth of our church (how shocking!). But on occasion, I venture into dangerous territory and I speak with adults. I like chatting with the adults, but sometimes I wonder if they like speaking with me. Here is an example of a conversation:

Adult: How was your week?

Me: It was great, but just super tiring.

Adult: Oh, is that so? What all came up?

Me: Well I took a few students out to lunch on Tuesday, then on Wednesday we had youth group and then the all-nighter, so I was up all night playing games and hanging out with students. Then on Friday we got together again and played more video games and board games and ate pizza. How was your week?

Adult: (At this point, they begin to wander off, mumbling under their breath. This is all that I can make out) "Lousy mermafu wake up 4:45 a.m., ferggan reduclou garou bills grarun aret traffic un del wih spid boss un leam staft meetings...."

Me:  Have a nice day!



So, I apologize to all the "real adults" out there in the world. I apologize for talking to you as if I were your equal. Now, excuse me, I have to go play mini-golf with a few students.