Things They Don't Teach In Seminary - Part III

I am proud graduate from Talbot School of Theology. I feel as if they did an exceptional job in preparing me for vocational ministry. Nevertheless, Bald Wisdom is presenting (a long overdue) series on "Things That They Don't Teach In Seminary. Enjoy.

Part III - Games

I don't know what percentage of my time is spent playing games, but I play a considerable amount of outdoor games, board games, and video games with my students. It is a perk of the job to fellowship and interact with students in this manner. My fellow youth pastors would agree with me on this. From my experience, I have discovered that students love beating their youth pastor in any type of game (although that truly is a rare experience). Now, if the youth pastor were a pushover, then the joy the students experience is quite limited and students will get bored. Anecdotal evidence (which is the best kind of evidence) has taught me that students that are bored are most likely to cause trouble and/or walk away from the Lord. Students enjoy a challenge, and if the youth pastor is a challenging opponent, then students relish the opportunity to slay Goliath. They will stay engaged to the church in search of the pursuit of victory. Furthermore, when the student achieves victory, that moment will be as sweet as honey found in the carcass of a lion.

So with this in mind, seminaries need to prepare pastors that will work with children, youth, and young adults to compete at a high level in a variety of games. Otherwise, our students will grow bored when they constantly win when playing with their youth pastor, which will ultimately cause them to leave the church.

This also makes me wonder if a youth pastor can truly be trusted if he can't handle a video game controller or play foosball?

All this is to say that our seminary students need to be prepared to be able to game and game effectively upon graduation. I recommend a minimum of 3 classes that focus on outdoor games, board games, and video games.

I am eternally grateful to my seminary, but they really dropped the ball on this one...

Things That They Don't Teach In Seminary - Part II

I am a proud graduate from Talbot School of Theology. I feel as if they did an exceptional job in preparing me for vocational ministry. Nevertheless, Bald Wisdom is presenting (a long overdue) series on "Things That They Don't Teach In Seminary." Enjoy.

Part II - Auto Shop

Few people go into ministry for the pursuit of monetary rewards. I am no exception, but this is not to say that I am not content with my compensation and the lifestyle that it affords me. I consider myself quite blessed...until the car breaks down. Then it's mass panic. A mechanic will cost me an arm and a leg, yet my desire to save money cries out loudly, despite my inability to differentiate between a spark plug and a screw driver. I, like many of my peers in seminary, am a nerd. And for many of us, we were more interested in studying Greek than in picking up a wrench. So I have one request to our beloved seminaries. Teach your students to work on their cars. We are not dumb people, although you certainly wouldn't know it when we put our heads under the hood. Life is expensive and cars break down. So do your graduates a favor and teach them a few things about how to repair the car. All the biblical training in the world is no good if you can't get to church. After all, doesn't Paul tell the Corinthians in chapter 13,

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all the mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have faith that can move mountains, but do not have a car, how will I get to the church to tell anyone?

I am eternally grateful to my seminary, but they really dropped the ball on this one...

Things They Don't Teach In Seminary - Part I

I am a proud graduate from Talbot School of Theology. I feel as if they did an exceptional job in preparing me for vocational ministry. Nevertheless, no seminary can provide 100% of the training someone will need to be successful. Therefore, Bald Wisdom is presenting (a long overdue) series on "Things They Don't Teach In Seminary." Enjoy.

Part I - Ants

Youth rooms, in theory, are filled with students. And occasionally, you provide food and drink to the students who happen to be loitering in the youth room. Moreover, said students, often bring a variety of consumables into said room. Often times these consumables are of a sugary nature. Sodas, candy, Starbucks, smoothies, ice cream and the like. You know, all the stuff that really gets an ant going. And without fail, drinks are spilled, wrappers are left out, and crumbs are dropped. And so the ants come in droves. While I welcome our ant overlords, I understand that some people are bothered by them. So I lay traps...over and over and over again, yet for every ant I kill, two take its place. Some have suggested that I use different brands of traps. Others suggest I spray poison in the youth room. There is also a minority of individuals who have recommended that I learn the language of the ants, gain their trust, and negotiate a peace treaty. 

While all valuable suggestions in their own right, is it not reasonable to suggest that seminaries could have foreseen this issue and prepared me for the endless battle? Surely I am not the only pastor (and definitely not the only youth pastor) who has struggled and battled with ants. Surely my seminary could have given me advice and wisdom on how to eradicate my foe without simultaneously poisoning every human who walks into the youth room. Even Scripture foresaw this battle, as Paul writes to the Ephesians that our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against rulers, authorities, and the powers of darkness. He is of course referring to ants!

I am eternally grateful to my seminary, but they really dropped the ball on this one...

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Every year, I take the graduating high school seniors to a camp called Rock N Water. Every year, they offer me a free shirt if I promote their camp via church website or blog. Well I'm a sucker for a free shirt so I cannot resist.

But in all due seriousness, this is a great place that has been a blessing to my students and to me!

Check them out!

www.rocknwater.com

You Know You Are a Monster When...

...A student says something rude or insensitive and then you realize they picked it up from you.


Lord have mercy...

Things That Make Youth Pastors Neurotic

Youth Pastors are not known for being neurotic, but nevertheless, here are some things that make even the best of youth pastors just a little bit neurotic.

1. When parents want to meet with you....in person.
Everything you have ever done wrong is now flashing before your eyes....

2. Organizing drivers/rides for events. 
Having more students than seats for a trip 6 hours before you depart is never a good feeling.

3. Finding guest speakers while away on vacation.
Always try to avoid bringing in that one speaker who in 15 minutes will contradict the last six months of preaching and teaching.

4. When elders "surprise" visit you.
Once again, everything you have ever done wrong is now flashing before your eyes....

5. Other youth pastors at winter camp who make their students go to bed right at lights out.
Pretty sure the Bible gives me permission to go punch any youth pastor that does this.

6. When students ask "What verse number?" 214 times in the span of six seconds.
"I'll tell you when  I'm ready to tell you!!!!!"

7. When students beat you at anything.
The combination of competitiveness and delight at seeing your student smile victoriously is confusing to me. I'm ecstatic and furious all at the same time.

8. Having to wear long pants and/or shoes (maybe this is just a Bald Wisdom thing?)
The Apostle Paul says to imitate him as he imitated Jesus. They both wore sandals. I'm just doing what Scripture is calling me to do.

9. Answering the same question....over and over and over again.
The bane of youth pastors all over the world!

10. Being away for too long from the students that we pour our lives into. 
It pain's me to say it, but they kinda grow on you.

Things That Make Your Senior Pastor Neurotic

Bald Wisdom brings joy to the world, but sometimes the opposite occurs. Here are a few things that might have happened that have made the pastor just slightly more neurotic.

1. Take credit for his ideas.

2. Preach for less than 15 minutes on a Sunday morning. 

3. Forget to wear a belt on a Sunday morning.

4. Ask if you can video tape his sermons without giving him a reason why.

5. Steal (accidentally) his pens, cough drops, and commentaries.

6. Encourage his children to get into expensive hobbies.